Photo Prompt 22 - January Challenge

Sara wished she could read people's minds, especially during those times when she felt ignored. She wasn't an extraordinary girl, but her heart was either full of hope or shadowed in darkness. There was no in between for her. 

Anjelica wanted to control people, especially when they didn't agree with her ways. She wasn't an extraordinary girl, but she had either a heart full of determination or one of coy manipulation. There was no in between for her. 

Sara wanted to be noticed and respected. Anjelica wanted to be honored and admired. 

No matter what they portrayed on the outside, God saw them on the inside. 

Sara feared that if her mistakes were bricks they would build a wall that could reach heaven. Anjelica feared that if her lies were like vine they would spread up into heaven. Both girls imagined their sin was more evil than the other,, but God saw them as equals. 

God can unmask what once seemed enticing and flawless, and expose the cracks in the foundation underneath. He sheds light on the truth, even when it is kept secret in the darkest of ways. 

No matter what is happening on the outside, the inside will always show itself in time. Sara's fear of rejection will hold her back if she does not heed God's call to trust in Him and be courageous, to accept who He made her to be and focus on the gifts He bestowed onto her. Anjelica's facade will be exposed if she does not heed God's call to humble herself and keep true to her word to do all things for His glory, to remain modest and faithful to Him who grants her victory. 

For a time will come, should they refuse the narrow way, when the consequences will follow and they will appear as broken and battered on the outside as God knows they are on the inside. 

January Challenge Weeks 4 & 5

It's almost complete! I've enjoyed my time sharing my inspiration from each day's photo prompt so much that I almost don't want it to end. Thank goodness I'll be getting February's prompts ready soon! Here are the final 10 photos for our January Challenge!

Photo Prompt 21 - January Challenge

This piece is dedicated to my Nanny and Papaw Rose. This picture reminds me of my home away from home, the lovely yellow house at the end of "Nanny's Hallway!"

The sun would be rising as we packed up our car and headed home. Home isn't always where you live, although that's home of course, but it's where you feel like you belong. Each summer I would count down the days until we would leave for Nanny and Papaw's. I loved taking vacations to the beach or to theme parks, but nothing compares to the little yellow house on the mountainside. 

You can tell God is in every inch of creation there, from the crisp mountain air to the sound of the creek after heavy rain. From sunrise to sunset, it is one of the most beautiful places on earth to me. Surrounded by nature, in the peace and quiet, it's my home away from home. Growing up spending weeks with Nanny and Papaw would be more exciting than a trip to DollyWood. From the moment we would arrive we wouldn't stop laughing, playing, or exploring. 

I remember the trips we would take to Papaw's cabin; if the thrilling ride up a steep mountain wasn't exciting enough, just wait until he would tell you about his bear sightings! Our walks up Dead Man's Mountain, where I could place my hands on the lifeless chains, made me feel like quite the conqueror, until we realized we had swam in a sea of sting weed. I wouldn't be able to finish this piece if I had to tell you about my favorite part of spending time with Papaw; his cooking! I could live on his strawberry french toast - or anything else for that matter. He always made sure we had full bellies, and our hearts were full of happiness as well!

Nanny is one of my inspirations for story writing; she's the best story teller I've ever met! I could listen to her talk about our ancestors all day and night. And her ghost stories are quite chilling to hear as well; especially on dark nights out on the gazebo. Besides filling our heads with stories of the past, she knew how to keep us busy with trips to the pool or the library, out visiting Great Granny Moore, or walks at Fish Pond Lake. I couldn't wait to find out what fun she had in store for us. One time she even put together a grand scavenger hunt upon our arrival. I was awarded with a lovely ruby slipper key chain that I use even to this day.

Another favorite spot is none other than Auntie Lisa's! She's that fun, hip Aunt everyone else wishes they had! Growing up she would entertain us for hours on end. I remember tagging along on family vacations and our many trips to the movies or the mall. She makes me feel like one of her own and the best friend a girl could have. Now that I am grown up she makes the best cup of coffee as we sit and share our secrets. She's a woman after my own heart, and I'm proud when people tell me they can see some of Aunt Lisa in me! 

Just thinking about all of those wonderful memories brings a smile to my face. Knowing that I have family who loves me and takes me for who I am is such a great blessing. To be able to share these wonderful memories, and to make many more new ones, with Zeke is something I am truly looking forward to. I'm hoping to be reunited with Nanny and Papaw soon. Until then, I'll close my eyes and imagine the beauty and solace that I find at the end of Nanny's "hallway."

Oh, how I can't wait to go back!

Photo Prompt 20 - January Challenge

My writing lately has become more personal than fictional. I promise I want to write stories, however there has been a huge weight on my shoulders that I want to free myself from. So, unless you don't mind me pouring out my heart for this post, things are about to get personal... again.

Last night I feel asleep looking at the moon. I tried to close my eyes, but its light was overpowering through the darkness. My husband slept peacefully beside me and I could hear Zeke ruffling his covers in the next room. 

I remembered a time when I looked upon that same moon, only several years earlier. I was living with my parents then. Patiently awaiting my junior year of college. I remember one night in particular. I could hear the crickets singing outside my two-story windows. I loved that bedroom, especially for the windows. As I gazed out the full moon was staring right back at me. I wasn't tired then. I was dreaming, but I was wide awake.

I like to daydream (or nightdream in this case). It's one of those things I do to escape the stress or the mundane. That night I was dreaming about my future. I was thinking about what I would be like, what I would be working for, and all the things I hoped to accomplish. I never quite imagined life as it is now.

Watching home videos this afternoon brought back so many memories of my childhood. I would look at my five-year-old self with those scrawny legs and messy black hair with all of that energy (I'm pretty sure my son takes after me in the energy department) and would never imagine to be where I am now. I am happily married and together my husband and I have a token of our love in the form of Ezekiel. God took me through college and two years of working with children before allowing me to stay home and nurture my own child. Some days I feel so blessed for who I am and what I do.

Other days I feel guilty. I feel guilty that I'm not out putting 40 hours or more on the clock to provide an extra income to give Zeke more. I feel guilty that some days I do well to get the laundry into the dryer, let alone folded and put away. I feel guilty that Daniel lets me sleep in on weekends even though Zeke lets me get a full 8 hours every night. I feel guilty that working mothers judge me or envy me. I feel guilty that I'm not known to anyone as "Kendra" but as "Zeke's mom." It's a very honorable title, but at times I feel guilty that God isn't having me do something more with my time.

I looked up at the moon last night and poured my heart out to God. I have so many questions and I know by faith I will be fine not knowing any of the answers. I know that motherhood is a great calling, and by no means a small job in the kingdom of God. I know that even if I'm nothing other than a mother on this earth I can still honor and glorify Him who gifted me with this blessing and ability. I know that at times I will belittle myself for not being one of "those" moms, who leave their children with their relatives and go out and about every week doing something of utter importance. Nevertheless, this is the job God has given me for the time being. And I believe I'm working on something God would have be do later on.

I'm thrilled at the opportunity to write you, dear readers, no matter who you are or why you happened upon my little journal here. I believe that I will write and my writing will be useful and inspiring to people. I have hope and a dream. And I'm not going to let the little things hold me back from whatever path God beckons me to take.

Photo Prompt 19 - January Challenge

I'm struggling with my imagination today. Writer's block? Perhaps this is my first official taste. I've spent months putting off the task of sitting down and bleeding out everything I've wanted to express, but when I feel the need to I find my mind is like a puzzle box.

When I first looked at the black and white photo above I imagined a place where I'd love to spend the rest of my life. Surrounded by nature, solitude in abundance; this is a place where I could see myself writing and raising my child. I could see myself sitting under that tree, with a good read for inspiration, sipping fresh lemonade after a day of playing in the garden with Zeke. I can see myself soaking up the sun or laying inside on the floor watching the rain splatter the windowpane. 

My imaginary world is much more beautiful than my reality. In a world where I'm supposed to never make a mistake, where I have to be a certain size and weigh a certain amount to be considered pretty, where I have to have specific things in order to be happy, buy top labels, eat organic everything - the pressure is overwhelming. When I look at this photo, I see a place where none of that matters. Where I can exist happily without any negative judgment. Where the superficial and distorted societal views have no power over me.

When I'm feeling so small in a world that I have no control over, I can just close my eyes and I'm instantly in my happy place. Don't get me wrong, my husband and my baby both fill my world with so much love and joy, but there are days where there are clouds hanging over me that not even they can chase away.

On days like today, when my mind is taking me in a hundred different directions, there is always one place where I can return to put myself back together. And looking at this photo just added a new dimension to that world. Kendra Land is a pretty fantastic place. And I starting to believe that I'm quite fantastic myself.

Photo Prompt 18 - January Challenge

And so there I sat, so consumed in my flaws that I felt stuck to the ground. It was as if my feletvwere cement blocks and my body was a fragile petal being beckoned by the wind, but held back. Doubt and Fear were written on the cinder blocks, but I have longed for freedom far too long now to bid goodbye at the chance to fly. I have woken up every day to the promises of hope and faith. I have cried myself to sleep many a time wishing for a new day to start again. The struggle in that routine was all that I knew.

"You are loved. You are cherished. You are one of His children."

I tried to make myself believe, to hold onto those things. To not let anyone take that beautiful truth away from me, or stain it with their words or actions towards me. It wasn't enough, I'm afraid, no matter how hard I fought all I heard was:

"You are petty. You are negative. You will never belong."

And I gave in. And I believed. And I cried.

And when I was through with my sadness I gave in to strife. And I let it consume me. I allowed my anger a place in my heart and I offered it to reign, believing that it would take the hurt away. But you know what they say, "being angry is like taking poison wishing the other person would die." I was the only one angry; they couldn't care (or wouldn't care).

It hurts knowing you are forgiven by God above but despised by man below. No matter how I tried to right my wrongs, it wasn't enough and the rejection led me to backslide into my own ways and suffer through double the guilt. Why I chose to keep fighting a losing battle is beyond me.

I know that God understands what I'm going through, and He will not allow me to overcome by any means other than His Truth and Strength. And all these days I allow my heart to grow bitter is one day more that I'm distancing myself from Him who will see me victorious. 

Today I'm fed up with this life. With trying to please people who don't care about my feelings. For trying to live up to everyone's outrageous standards just to fit into some silly circle that doesn't amount to much in the end. That's because I'm part of the Kingdom of God. He's the only one I have to live for. 

And He loves my life; He gave it to me. Although I feel like I've been stuck in this stormy season for far too long, my rainbow is right in front of me. All I have to do is forgive and move on. Countless days of sunshine will be mine if I only allow this baggage to separate and keep it as far from me as the east is from the west. 

God allows people into your lives to stay or to teach you something. My lesson has been learned. I know what it means now to be a friend: self-sacrifing, understanding, sharing in joys and in grief. I also understand what it means to be betrayed, to be lied to, and to be tricked into believing someone is loyal when they are truly deceitful. 

To you, I apologize. It hurts me to know that I have to be shut out, but I respect your feelings and will leave you to them. My memory of you will not be tainted with the guilt and envy you once made me feel, but of happier times when we were accepting and kind to one another. 

I have my fair share of mistakes and I am not arguing that I am not completely flawed. I will, however, take my lot. I know that I would much rather deal with letting go than some of the things that you are undeniably suffering. I find more and more blessings to be grateful for every day just by being and accepting myself. 

Here's to the goodbyes that will offer me good fortune, because I will be victorious, God is on my side. 

Photo Prompt 17 - January Challenge

It's disheartening to see something once youthful and beautiful turn old and decrepit. Something that was once taken care of and prized left abandoned and forgotten. Growing older I have begun to feel the latter. My prime has passed. My youth has escaped me. My worth has diminished along with it.

My eyes no longer hold their twinkle, they are dimmed with lack of sleep.

My hair no longer shines and flows, it is cut short for lack of time to manage it.

My freckles scream of too much time spent in the sun, yet it's too pale to be forgiving to the signs of age.

My hands are wrinkled and dry from constant use. They are not the soft hands my  husband once loved to caress his cheek.

I feel shorter and wider as my body grows to reflect how poorly I've been treating it. No more adventures to keep it lean and attractive. It has softened and rounded due to lack of activity. 

And yet I feel so tired and stretched out that my energetic and playful personality has turned into one of worry and seriousness.

I feel as weathered and torn as the old house, barely holding itself together, too much of an eyesore to gather any attention. 

All around me I see progress and perseverance, but each day I am closer and closer to slipping away. Unnoticed. Forgotten.